Questions and Answers
Responses by the Elders
Thank you to all the ladies who have submitted questions, below are the responses from the elders.
Feel free to continue to ask questions and keep an eye out for our Questions and Answers page.
What does it really mean to be saved by Grace?
Biblical view on dating
How do you deal with a Christian serial dater and I've been hurt twice by Christian man I've dated.
Motivating my husband to be the spiritual leader at home
Biblical view on roles of women
How to respond to men that would twist the word of God to tell that I am to serve them...
We will upload the video for this question soon.
Thank you for reaching out. It's not always easy to talk about this. This is a real situation and it's not abnormal. David, Elijah and Jonah are examples of people in the Bible who showed signs of depression but found strength in the Lord. There could be many reasons for this. Prayerfully discern what leads to you be depressed e.g. self-image, fear, anxiety, relationships, life expectations etc. It's not a strict formula or sequence of events that will lead to depression, but it has these ingredients. Neither is the process to deal with overcoming depression a set sequence of actions. We all need help, ongoing encouragement, prayer, standing on God's promises, relationships with other mature Christians and the impetus to fight for joy by the Spirit. Our encouragement would be to reach out to the elders or other mature believers for help, direction and support in this time. We do have trained counsellors who can also help you in this.
I fear for my children's safety
I fear for my children's safety 24/7 maybe it's a mom thing I don't know. how do I let go and put my children in God's hands?
We acknowledge your fear in this situation and commend you for asking for help in this situation. Trust and fear seem to be an issue here. Our prayer is that you will come to the conviction that our children have been given to us by God who is in control of all things. We have been entrusted with them by Him. Our primary responsibility is to love them and to train them in the ways of the Lord so that they may know Him, trust in Him and live for Him. When we have the conviction that the Lord will sustain us, our children and that they belong to Him then we can pray with faith asking God to save them, protect them, sustain them and give you peace of mind.
Purity until marriage
I committed to keeping myself pure till marriage, in my 20's I was really proud to be a virgin in a world that preaches the opposite, am now in my mid 30's and still unmarried and honestly I don't feel good about being a virgin, it feels like a constant reminder of failure instead.
We love to you commend you for your faithfulness to God in this. While others might ridicule you or frown upon your decision, what matters ultimately is what God pleases God. We want to encourage continue to please God and not give into the cultural pressure that either sees sex as everything or nothing really.
Sexual intimacy was designed by God to enjoyed within the spacious boundary of marriage. It's a beautiful gift given to a man and woman to enjoy in a marriage covenant. We urge you wait on the Lord to for a God-fearing, Jesus-trusting person He could be preparing for you with whom you can be married and enjoy the gift of sexual intimacy.
Stand secure in your identity in Christ use your singleness for the Lord. Paul writes about the married and unmarried in 1Corinthans 7.32-35. An unmarried woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be Holy in body and spirit, she is able to give her undivided devotion to the Lord.
We would encourage you to seek counsel from one of the elders or another mature Christian in this.
What does it mean to be a suitable helper?
What does suitable helper practically mean in a marriage? Do I help lead or do I just mind the children and keep the house clean?
The term 'suitable helper' is used in Genesis 2:18 in the context of God creating a marriage partner, Eve, for Adam the first person He created. This means a helper 'corresponding to him'. It's not a demeaning term. Both Adam and Eve (male and female) had the same nature but what Adam lacked, Eve supplied and what Eve lacked, Adam supplied. The culmination of this union was that they became one flesh which is a picture of complete unity in a complimentary way. Here we can see that male and female are equal in dignity, value and worth but different in role yet these roles complement each other. Male and female are equal but different. The roles are clearly defined in other passages of scripture (Eph 5:22-28, 1 Cor 11:3 & Col 3:18-19). The husband is called to lovingly and sacrificially lead his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. The wife is called to willingly submit to her husband as unto Jesus.
Being a helper means we need God-given discernment in the role of a wife. God leads us through His word in this. His word teaches us to encourage, when to graciously confront, and when to be quiet and pray. The role of helper is as much spiritual and emotional as it is physical.
1 Peter 4.10-11 speaks about serving with the strength that God supplies that in everything He may be glorified.
Each married couple must work out this in their relationship. They must see what actions or responsibilities they have in their household and how they relate to the husband being the sacrificial spiritual leader and the wife being the suitable helper.
We would recommend the book called '50 Crucial Questions - an overview of the central concerns about manhood and womanhood' by John Piper and Wayne Grudem.
Asking other men to try get my husband to be accountable with them.
Is it wrong for me to approach another man in the church and ask him to talk to my husband if; I feel he is struggling with something that he either can't talk to me about or that I can't relate too. And I feel is not leading well...
We recognize your frustration but we ask that you pray and speak to your husband first. We would only recommend speaking to another person without your husband's knowledge where you find yourself in a life-threatening situation. After prayer and talking to your husband we would recommend marital counselling together with an elder to go through God's pattern for marriage from the Bible.
Is it ok for a spouse to cheat if the other is sick.
Is it okay for a spouse to cheat on the other if his or her partner cannot perform their marital rights due to a medical sickness?
No. This is in contradiction to God's commands (Deut 5:18; Matt 5:27-30) and would be sin against Him and your spouse. We are unsure if you are the spouse with the medical condition or not but either way we would encourage you to pray and ask God for grace in your time of need. God requires faithfulness from you and He will supply grace for you to live in obedience in this season of your marriage. We would also suggest speaking to one of the elders or another mature Christian (male to male or female to female) to give you counsel and keep you accountable in this.
Loving someone who doesn't follow God.
Is it okay to love someone from a distance? That is if their way of life does not comply with God's commandments?
We are unsure what this fully means or how this will work out practically. The first question we would pose to you is - What is it that is drawing you to 'love' this person?
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 is clear on the dangers of being 'unequaled yoked' or hitched up with unbelievers. Here there is an image of being allied or identified wrongly with unbelievers. If a partner to be doesn't at the deepest part of his/her core share a spiritual compatibility (believe in Jesus alone for salvation) there will always be strife and no real basis to reconcile, forgive and grow in the same direction in the relationship.
We would encourage you to seek God and not awaken or stir up love in this case (Song of Solomon 2:7) but rather wait for the Lord to do that with the right, God-fearing, Jesus-trusting person He could be preparing for you. Again, we would encourage you to seek counsel from one of the elders or another mature Christian as this is a big life decision.
Breastfeeding in public
Is breastfeeding in public immodest? I understand as Christian women we should value modesty, would public breastfeeding fall under being immodest?
We do believe that modesty is a virtue of a godly woman. There is nothing wrong with nursing your child in public, the question now arising will be ‘how do I nurse my child in public?”. We understand that different cultures see this differently. Our view would be towards modesty and ask that you cover yourself while you nurse your child in public.